How To Get Along With Different Personality Styles In The Workplace
David Teitelbaum, L.M.H.C., M.S., MTN Therapist

All of us have patterns in the way we handle situations in our lives, including the way we interact with other people. Since most of us spend a significant amount of time in the workplace, it is imperative that we learn peoples' personality styles so that we can be more effective in these relationships. Think about it, if we know the way people are, we could prevent conflict and have more love and understanding.
To begin with, let me introduce the highlights of the 4 Personality Styles that I am alluding to. As you read through each of them, think about which Personality Style you are most of the time.

(1) Accommodating/Harmonizing: These individuals want peace and harmony, are people pleasers, keep situations from being overly serious, and their motto is "peace at any price."

(2) Analyzing/Preserving: They are logical and systematic, timely, very task oriented, keep things on an even keel, and their motto is "look before you leap."

(3) Achieving/Directing: They want to feel and look competent, are action - oriented, like challenges, are risk - takers with a high energy level, and their motto is "go for it."

(4) Affiliating/Perfecting: These people like to work together with others, are idealistic, highly principled, loyal and committed, compassionate & understanding, and their motto is "if it's worth doing, it's worth doing well."
Now that you've assessed your Personality Style, think about a style that you find hard to get along with. Now, think about a specific person that has those characteristics and compare your styles and see the inherent conflict contained in those styles.

Here are some solutions on how to deal effectively with supervisors and other coworkers that will help you get along with them regardless of their Personality Style:

(1) Respect the way they are, and recognize their behaviors are not to be taken personally by you as this is the way that they are. I'm not saying that this is the right way, but remember the goal is to recognize that we are different in many ways from other people. If they are rude or annoying to you, first create an action plan on what you can say to them assertively that will be the most effective with their Personality Style. For example, if an Administrator is bossy, and they are the Achieving/Directing type, maybe a way for you to let them know you are uncomfortable with their behavior is to acknowledge the urgency of the situation that they are being bossy about, and then to tell them how their behavior is affecting you in an adverse way. Remember, the Achieving/Directing style has a "driving personality", so it's important to let them know you understand the urgency of their request first. Next, you can be assertive and set limits with them by telling them how you feel. Use "I" messages when addressing your feelings and no one should be defensive because you have the right as a human being to express the way you feel, no matter who they are.

(2) Recognize that stress can cause people to have a different Personality Style, even if only a temporary condition. Help them to recognize they're stressed out by assisting them to be aware of some of their behaviors. Tell them that you are there for them if they need to talk. If you are aware that others are stressed out, this can be an opportunity for you to assist them even if they are a person you normally don't like. This can lead to a better relationship in the future with many personal and professional rewards.

(3) Assess what behavior(s) are bothering you and do a personal inventory to see if that behavior is a characteristic you have that you don't like, because we dislike things about others that are really traits that we possess. If this is true for you, make some changes in your behavior, and stop blaming the other person for your shortcomings.

(4) Do model for others the behavior(s) you want them to have. Never lose focus of who you are, and don't let another person take control of you.

(5) Recognize that people are different, and just because you think your Personality Style is the best, that may be true for you only. Others can be alright being the way that they are also.

(6) Appeal to the strengths of the person, because if you know how they are, you can get what you want in a positive and satisfying way. I'm not telling you to manipulate in a negative manner; I'm telling you to do behaviors that work for that specific style.

In closing, the stress of working can be debilitating without the arduous task of having unnecessary conflicts with staff. Knowing your own and others' Personality Styles can be a very effective tool on how to make your job a whole lot easier. Consequently, you will notice improvement in your relationships with your supervisors and coworkers.

The author of this article is David Teitelbaum, L.M.H.C., M.S. He is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, owner/director of The Relationship Counseling Center, Inc., and a My Therapy Network provider.


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